- Get link
- X
- Other Apps
Enjoying vs. Enduring Marriage: The Clear Disparity You Need
But is just enduring a marriage enough?
Or do we deserve more than mere survival when it comes to the person we promised to spend our lives with?
In this post, we’ll explore the difference between “enjoying” your marriage and merely “enduring” it - and why understanding this divide can be a game-changer for your relationship.
1. The Subtle Shift from Enjoying to Enduring
In the early stages of a relationship, marriage often feels like a grand adventure. Every moment is filled with possibility - dates, shared dreams, spontaneous conversations. But over time, that honeymoon phase can fade and the routine of life starts to take over.
At first, enduring a marriage feels like just pushing through the rough patches. However, when this continues for too long, it can start to feel less like a temporary season and more like the default state. It’s not just about handling conflict or dealing with challenges - it’s about a deep, unspoken shift where connection becomes secondary to "survival".
You might find yourself living "parallel lives" instead of being "intertwined", disconnected from the emotional needs that once brought you closer. The conversation might revolve only around logistics (who’s picking up the kids, what’s for dinner and what’s on the to-do list). The fun, spontaneous aspects of the relationship slowly vanishes and the love feels more like a duty than a joy.
2. Signs You’re Enduring, Not Enjoying
If you feel like you’re just going through the motions in your marriage, here are some key signs you might be enduring rather than enjoying:
• Conversations Feel Like Chores: Communication has shifted from meaningful talks to transactional discussions - talking about the bills, the kids, or the house, but never about feelings, dreams, or deep connections.
• Physical and Emotional Disconnect: You’ve stopped being affectionate, not because of conflict, but simply because it doesn’t seem like a priority. Sex becomes routine and emotional intimacy is nonexistent.
• Feeling Alone Together: Despite sharing the same space, you feel a growing loneliness in your marriage. You’re physically present, but emotionally distant.
• Resentment and Avoidance: Resentment starts to creep in, often around unmet needs, unacknowledged efforts, or feelings of neglect. Instead of addressing these issues, you avoid them, hoping they’ll magically resolve themselves.
• Lack of Fun or Adventure: The spark of shared experiences has faded. There’s no more spontaneous date night or travel plans, and you’ve forgotten how to just enjoy each other.
3. Why Endurance Alone Won’t Work
Endurance in a marriage is not a sustainable strategy for long-term happiness. While every relationship will have its ups and downs, when a marriage is only about survival, you lose the essential ingredients that make a relationship thrive: trust, passion, intimacy, and joy.
When we shift our mindset from “enduring” to “enjoying,” we stop seeing our spouse as just a roommate or a co-parent. Instead, we begin to view them as our partner - someone we are excited to share our lives with, not just a person we’re managing.
Living in a state of endurance for too long can lead to:
• Emotional Numbness: When you aren’t feeling connected or fulfilled, you might begin to numb your emotions to cope with the dissatisfaction.
• Increased Conflict: Resentments that aren’t addressed will build over time, leading to tension, arguments, or even the silent treatment.
• A Shrinking Sense of Self: In marriages where you're only enduring, you might start to lose sight of your individual needs, goals and identity outside of the relationship.
But the biggest risk? You can lose your marriage altogether. Without enjoying the partnership, it can slip into something transactional - something that isn’t quite what you envisioned when you said “I do.”
4. How to Move From Enduring to Enjoying
Changing your marriage from an endurance-based relationship to one that’s centered around enjoyment isn’t easy, but it is possible. It requires intention, effort, and a willingness to reconnect. Here are a few ways to get started:
• Reignite Meaningful Conversations: Start talking again - not just about the bills, but about your hopes, fears, and dreams. Rediscover what made you fall in love with each other.
• Prioritize Intimacy: Physical intimacy "isn’t just about sex" - it’s about touch, affection, and presence. Hug more, kiss more, hold hands. Intimacy is the glue that holds relationships together.
• Take Time for Fun: Remember what it was like when you did things just for fun? Plan a spontaneous date night, take a weekend getaway, or simply do something new together. Laughter and shared adventures bring couples closer.
• Address Resentment: If there are unspoken issues, bring them to light in a safe, non-confrontational way. It’s about understanding each other’s needs and showing a willingness to compromise and grow together.
• Set Boundaries and Be Present: Learn to say no to external pressures (work, social obligations, etc.) that drain your time and energy. Create space for each other. Be present in the moment, not just physically but emotionally as well.
• Seek Professional Help If Needed: Sometimes, you need a neutral third party to help you get back on track. Couples therapy or marriage counseling can provide the tools to help reignite the spark and rebuild the foundation of your relationship.
5. Marriage Should Be More Than Just Surviving
In conclusion, marriage isn’t meant to be a series of obligations to get through. It’s meant to be a partnership, a journey filled with growth, excitement, and joy. While every marriage will face hard times, the key is to always find ways to move back toward enjoyment, connection, and shared fulfillment.
If you feel like you’re stuck in the “enduring” phase, don’t lose hope. You have the power to shift the dynamic. Start with small changes, and over time, you’ll see how your relationship can grow into something that’s not just about surviving - it’s about thriving.
.
.
Have you ever felt like you were just enduring your marriage? How did you manage to reconnect and move toward enjoying it again? Let’s chat in the comments!
In this post, we’ll explore the difference between “enjoying” your marriage and merely “enduring” it - and why understanding this divide can be a game-changer for your relationship.
1. The Subtle Shift from Enjoying to Enduring
In the early stages of a relationship, marriage often feels like a grand adventure. Every moment is filled with possibility - dates, shared dreams, spontaneous conversations. But over time, that honeymoon phase can fade and the routine of life starts to take over.
At first, enduring a marriage feels like just pushing through the rough patches. However, when this continues for too long, it can start to feel less like a temporary season and more like the default state. It’s not just about handling conflict or dealing with challenges - it’s about a deep, unspoken shift where connection becomes secondary to "survival".
You might find yourself living "parallel lives" instead of being "intertwined", disconnected from the emotional needs that once brought you closer. The conversation might revolve only around logistics (who’s picking up the kids, what’s for dinner and what’s on the to-do list). The fun, spontaneous aspects of the relationship slowly vanishes and the love feels more like a duty than a joy.
2. Signs You’re Enduring, Not Enjoying
If you feel like you’re just going through the motions in your marriage, here are some key signs you might be enduring rather than enjoying:
• Conversations Feel Like Chores: Communication has shifted from meaningful talks to transactional discussions - talking about the bills, the kids, or the house, but never about feelings, dreams, or deep connections.
• Physical and Emotional Disconnect: You’ve stopped being affectionate, not because of conflict, but simply because it doesn’t seem like a priority. Sex becomes routine and emotional intimacy is nonexistent.
• Feeling Alone Together: Despite sharing the same space, you feel a growing loneliness in your marriage. You’re physically present, but emotionally distant.
• Resentment and Avoidance: Resentment starts to creep in, often around unmet needs, unacknowledged efforts, or feelings of neglect. Instead of addressing these issues, you avoid them, hoping they’ll magically resolve themselves.
• Lack of Fun or Adventure: The spark of shared experiences has faded. There’s no more spontaneous date night or travel plans, and you’ve forgotten how to just enjoy each other.
3. Why Endurance Alone Won’t Work
Endurance in a marriage is not a sustainable strategy for long-term happiness. While every relationship will have its ups and downs, when a marriage is only about survival, you lose the essential ingredients that make a relationship thrive: trust, passion, intimacy, and joy.
When we shift our mindset from “enduring” to “enjoying,” we stop seeing our spouse as just a roommate or a co-parent. Instead, we begin to view them as our partner - someone we are excited to share our lives with, not just a person we’re managing.
Living in a state of endurance for too long can lead to:
• Emotional Numbness: When you aren’t feeling connected or fulfilled, you might begin to numb your emotions to cope with the dissatisfaction.
• Increased Conflict: Resentments that aren’t addressed will build over time, leading to tension, arguments, or even the silent treatment.
• A Shrinking Sense of Self: In marriages where you're only enduring, you might start to lose sight of your individual needs, goals and identity outside of the relationship.
But the biggest risk? You can lose your marriage altogether. Without enjoying the partnership, it can slip into something transactional - something that isn’t quite what you envisioned when you said “I do.”
4. How to Move From Enduring to Enjoying
Changing your marriage from an endurance-based relationship to one that’s centered around enjoyment isn’t easy, but it is possible. It requires intention, effort, and a willingness to reconnect. Here are a few ways to get started:
• Reignite Meaningful Conversations: Start talking again - not just about the bills, but about your hopes, fears, and dreams. Rediscover what made you fall in love with each other.
• Prioritize Intimacy: Physical intimacy "isn’t just about sex" - it’s about touch, affection, and presence. Hug more, kiss more, hold hands. Intimacy is the glue that holds relationships together.
• Take Time for Fun: Remember what it was like when you did things just for fun? Plan a spontaneous date night, take a weekend getaway, or simply do something new together. Laughter and shared adventures bring couples closer.
• Address Resentment: If there are unspoken issues, bring them to light in a safe, non-confrontational way. It’s about understanding each other’s needs and showing a willingness to compromise and grow together.
• Set Boundaries and Be Present: Learn to say no to external pressures (work, social obligations, etc.) that drain your time and energy. Create space for each other. Be present in the moment, not just physically but emotionally as well.
• Seek Professional Help If Needed: Sometimes, you need a neutral third party to help you get back on track. Couples therapy or marriage counseling can provide the tools to help reignite the spark and rebuild the foundation of your relationship.
5. Marriage Should Be More Than Just Surviving
In conclusion, marriage isn’t meant to be a series of obligations to get through. It’s meant to be a partnership, a journey filled with growth, excitement, and joy. While every marriage will face hard times, the key is to always find ways to move back toward enjoyment, connection, and shared fulfillment.
If you feel like you’re stuck in the “enduring” phase, don’t lose hope. You have the power to shift the dynamic. Start with small changes, and over time, you’ll see how your relationship can grow into something that’s not just about surviving - it’s about thriving.
.
.
Have you ever felt like you were just enduring your marriage? How did you manage to reconnect and move toward enjoying it again? Let’s chat in the comments!
Comments
Post a Comment